What are we doing to each other?

viewI look around and see the beauty of the place that I now find myself in. However, that beauty means nothing in a world cluttered with hate, crime and copious amounts of destruction.

What has this world become? When did life lose its value and become something no more than a piece of garbage? People kill each other as if it’s a piece of dirt they’re tossing into the trash can…worthless and of no use to anyone. Communities are ripped apart by selfish hatred of others purely because of what they believe in, the colour of their skin or what their forefathers had to endure at the hands of others. The cycle goes on and on and seems an endless pit of never ending pain.

Man is truly its own worst enemy.
I’ve come to realize that this life is dumb and somehow we, as humans, miss the point of what it’s all about. What future do we offer to our children when we bring them into such a broken world? I too am guilty for having brought my kids into this world…

Clouded by the euphoria of having a new baby, a little extension of who I am to carry on my name. Well…what is that name worth if it only gets a short time to reign? Or, even worse, has to endure any form of pain at the hands of another. A thought I cannot stand to bear…

Imagine a world where none of this crap existed. Where people live in peace and harmony and life is sustained by giving life without concern. I left my home country purely for the fact that I feared for my children’s safety. It was a fear that, literally, drove me to the point of no return. Do I regret the decision I made? Well…yes and no. I now live fearing for the family I left behind, wanting them to be safe more than anything in this world.

I feel as if I am in limbo. But, more than that, I feel anger. I am angry at the idiots who run countries, who allow the violence and crime to continue and allow the state of people’s lives to perish at the hands of their greedy evil ways. A day has 24 hours and there are 365 days in a year. Do they really have a leg to stand on in saying these decisions and “change” take time? I call Bullshit!

Is it really about money? Man has found a way to make money out of paper and coins, and attach value to it. It’s just dumb to say there’s no money to help the world out of its pain.

We have even been blessed with skills to heal and fix the broken and ailing, yet medical care depends on what you can afford to pay. Public systems, which actually help people without charge are drowning under the predetermined processes and stupid system of how that care is administered. But that, in itself, is even more bullshit and in the end it’s us who suffer.

The country I live in now has one simple “way of life”, which I believe is part of their secret to success. People don’t interfere with the next one. Bad things still happen here but the scale is nowhere near to what I personally have witnessed. If you see something of value, which doesn’t belong to you, you leave it alone. This is the simple rule I teach my kids. When we came to this country, they jokingly said things like, “let’s steal it“. It broke my heart because this is what they had come to know.
I am happy to say, with time, they don’t have that mentality or desire. They have changed their ways and see the world differently for the better. If only others could adopt that same mentality. It’s a small step but one in the right direction, I believe.

If man can also realize one thing…we are never free. No-one is…

We are held captive by the fact that we sell what is most precious in life…our time. We (majority of people) go to work, do what we do for the greater good of someone else (your boss or company shareholders). The time we get to spend with our family in the end is limited and goes by so quickly. That time in itself, is predefined by the jobs we hold to pay for anything of value we do together…without it, we have nothing.

Life is only for the rich and wealthy…most of us yearn for that and go through life sadly never attaining it. Yet, we remain hopeful…holding our breath for “One Day“.

Bearing witness to the torture surrounding us all, around this world, I can’t help but pray for an end to mankind. It seems the easiest solution.  I suppose it’s normal to question the existence of God when all these things have been going on for years without end. People have lost faith, some never had it and others…well I guess it’s just easier to go on day by day pretending that all is well with the world because it doesn’t affect them directly…YET.

I don’t have the answer to it all but I would take a guess that if mankind changed their mentality and actually made an attempt to making a success of this thing we call life…I reckon we could see a change. Why should there be rich, poor or homeless people? Why does life have to be governed by what benefits others and not all of us? Why are there classes of distinction and why, oh why, is there a need for greed, revenge and crime?

I feel ultimately helpless in the whole equation and yet, it is with great conviction that I say…To hell with all extremists and inflictors of misery and pain. More importantly I say this, to anyone who actually has the power to change the state of the world and yet stands by watching it burn to the ground…To hell with you!

Thank you for taking the time to read

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How do I explain to her that I will not live forever…

A few weeks ago, I was mindlessly watching something on TV…the name escapes me now but it was much like CSI.  In the end, some crazy guy shot and killed a teenage girl’s parents and little brother in front of her.  At the time, I didn’t realize that my 5-year old daughter and her 11-year old brother were watching as well.

You see, they had been playing cards so I know they weren’t really paying attention.  However, as the story unfolded, they turned their attention toward the TV.  My daughter asked why the man did that and I heard something else in the sound of her voice, which I didn’t like.  I told her that he was just a naughty and bad man.  She tried to process it and started crying…it tugged at my heart.  I called her over to me and immediately felt stupid for letting her see it (I was too engrossed).

What if some bad man comes here and shoots you!?”  She asked sobbing…I comforted her as best I could and told her that it was just a story and wasn’t real but nothing I said would get through to her.  The damage had been done.  I can’t take that back and yet, I know that’s life…death that is, it’s a big part of life.

In time, she got over it but she’s been very concerned about me dying, on more than one occasion.  She’ll say things like “I don’t want you to die” or “I wish we could stay together for ever“.  The thought of it leaves me feeling a bit helpless.  The thought of dying and leaving her behind, that is.

I’ve always been one to say that death doesn’t scare me.  If it is God’s will that I be taken, then so be it…I accept that.  However, ever since my daughter was born, I feel powerless to the guilt of leaving her motherless through death.  I know I could be a better mother to her on so many levels but the unconditional love this child shows toward me…lets just say it leaves me speechless.  She teaches me so many lessons on a daily basis.

We love as hard as we fight and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way…(well, maybe sometimes).  She’s a highly spirited child, opinionated and stubborn as hell, some of that I know she gets from me.  She’ll be a strong woman one day, no doubt.

The question remains though, how do I explain to her that I will not live forever..?  If there were a button I could press to make death disappear from Life’s equation, I would do so in an instant…just for her.

If only I could live forever and protect her little heart from any anguish or pain my inevitable death would cause her…I would.  Obviously, I don’t want my daughter to feel any kind of pain or heartache that comes with life lessons of death or disappointment…but I can’t.

Negotiating a date and time would also be great just so I can prepare her closer to the time.  But I know that is a luxury afforded to no-one.

Think about it…I’m sure no (majority of) parent talks about dying with their kids…at least not at the age of 5.  Honestly speaking, it’s not a pleasant thing to face or think about.  How can you possibly tell a loved one that the void they will feel at the loss of you…will be OK?  Most of us have been touched by death in some way or another, we know what that feels like.  There is no way to explain it away, you can’t sugarcoat it.  However, I feel sometimes that if I don’t talk about it with her, I would have failed her by not telling her to expect it to happen.  It’s a tricky thing for me…either way, I want to protect her at all cost.

I read a poster some time back with a young woman staring out into the distance, it read “My mother never prepared me for life without her“.  I don’t think I want to be that mother either…I suppose I could always keep on praying and being thankful for yet another day that I get to breathe and be with her.  Another day where her little heart will be intact and all will be well with her world, simply because I am still in it.  And, when the time comes, we’ll have the talk and somehow, she will reach a level of understanding that this is the way of life.  I will teach her to be grounded in her faith so she has something to cling to when the world becomes a scary place and I will teach her to love and be loved…to comfort and to be comforted as the need arises. Being the best person she can be…even if that means – without me.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

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